Garlic and sapphires in the mud

Well so, I have pondered the idea of a blog for about 6 months now.

I wrote that first post back sometime over the holidays and only now got around to posting it.

I’m just not entirely sure what this blog will be about. I mean obviously it’s about me being diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing treatment and whatever, but I really haven’t been sure how to approach it.

I’m not the kind of person to write out every personal or physical detail of it all. So I’m guessing it will be most impressionistic — just my kind of random thoughts and reactions to things as they go along.

Although I’d never go and call this experience “sweet”, so far this experience for me retains the qualities of my previous life experiences to date: a sort of alternating and combining bittersweet quality.

So yeah, hence the Eliot: “sapphires in the mud”, baby.

Although I’m starting 6 months into the story (I was diagnosed in Dec 2010), a snapshot of today will give you an idea of what I mean by the above. It was:

– day 7 of being out at my family’s home, due to the intensity of my present chemo regime, and therefore needing their care and support and to not be at my place alone. (They are amazing)

– day 2 of my mom and I calling the EI people to try to sort out why I have to date only received a total of $25.00 for illness benefits, even though I have been on sick leave for nearly 2 months now. (This process is torture)

– also: although I had been having a good response to my chemo, today I had to really come to terms with the fact that it seems that my newest chemo (it is called “AC”) is not giving an effective response. This realization means that I have to step it up with my medical team and try to get some answers about where this is all going. (bleh)

And… though…

Contrast all of this with the extreme beauty of my family’s home and property — it’s like being in the country. And the true pleasure I am getting out of spending time with them; just hanging out like roommates, watching tv, going for walks, joking around, etc. They are amazing and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them!

On top of that, although I’ve always been a pretty staunch pantheist, I’ve got to say that going through this shit has made me *even more* in touch with just how fucking much I love nature. It is so instantly healing for me, it’s unbelievable.

I can take no credit for these photos, (and for some reason they are displaying VERY small), but these are some scenes from my family’s home. The first is their annual visitor: a beautiful duck (usually with his mate by his side). And the second is, believe it or not, the view from their property!

visiting duck

sunset